WHAT

What this is about what this isn't about. First I will say what this isn't about: I will never breach the confidentiality of my massage or yoga clients, or those that come to me for counsel. This blog is about life as I have experienced it. I am finally recording all my life events. I am finally not going to be ashamed or embarrassed or full of fear. Noone can handle my story, so I will write it in here to let it all go. There is so much to tell, I can't possible put it nor want to put it in any order, just the order that comes to my head. Things show themselves to me on a constant all day and all night, no matter what I'm doing. This blog is about past, present, and future. The things I've been thru, want to go through, and will go thru. There is no time is my life for grammar, spell check, and proper punctuations. You will understand. So don't complain or talk shit, I know what I am doing and so do you, punctuations or ALL CAPS is nothing to get angry about. You don't have to read my stuff if you don't like it, but I am allowing for comments. I am also going to do something also useful and interesting to me and should be interesting to the world. I will be voice recording people's stories, with their consent, to later publish in this blog. The title will say exactly when this is. I feel that I am not the only one whose stories don't want to be heard. there are many people out there with hidden secrets such as myself who have tried to get help but only find themselves and myself to be alone, without no one REALLY caring. I really do care. I care so much for my Self and for the Self of others. this is why I am on this journey to put myself thru school, get proper education and properly certified to do what it is that I want to do: which is help people get off of drugs and other addictions, become physically and mentally healthy, and live happy lives. I want people to know that there IS someone who cares. I know that many people are suffering because they feel that there is no point, that there is no reason to stop, that no one cares. So many people go ignored on a daily basis, including me. well I will not be ignored anymore. neither will you. we all have a right to be here and be heard. I will speak my story here. I will tell your story here. together we can overcome. but we cannot do this without the belief and power of God. the God I believe in has no name and is not one entity. when I speak and pray I do this to the Universe. to everything as ONE. to ALL. I love reading and accepting ALL religions and philosophies. I feel I take the best from all and leave out what doesn't suite me. there is nothing wrong with my way. you do what feels best for you. I believe in Jesus and Buddha and many other prophets and Angels sent to us to help us. I teach from anything that feels right. I bow down to the Universe. I am a servant of the people. I am here to help you. I have been thru a lot and will show you how to overcome. do not judge me, do not assume about me. most of you are not pure of heart and have not the capacity to. most of you are clouded with negative things such as hate, greed, lust, to name a very few. I am loved and hated by many. I am the person that people love to hate, and hate to love. people love me secretly but in front of everyone pretend to hate me. people pretend to love me in public but inside hate me. why? ive been trying to figure that out for so long and have come to the conclusion that its not my fault. its thru no fault of mine why people react to me. and I do not let it affect me. I will go on living, sharing, loving, caring of myself and of u. you have to work out your own shit but in the meantime when you are ready for me, here I am. when you r ready to accept your Self, here I am. if you want help, I am here for you. I offer this with great love and compassion thru teaching yoga, meditation, mindfulness, self-awareness, self-acceptance, by being a good example, thru massage, thru counsel. I do not massage for free, but I can teach you how to massage yourself thru yoga. this is what works for me. this is how I help myself. I am independent. I do not drink coffee or caffeinated drinks. I have a daily morning routine that gives me energy and by the time its time for sleep I do not toss and turn too much. I eat what I want and listen to my body. I pray and meditate every day and all day. each day is different, but these things I do help me in life, help me not kill myself, help me not hurt others, and help me not use drugs. having goals and dreams bigger than me is also a huge motivation. In helping you I help myself live the dreams ive always wanted in life. because the dreams are not selfish. they r for the greater good. and I am doing all the hard work needed for it. so much hard work. but sitting here alone, I do it. I am not doing it because a book or another person is telling me to. I have the desire. the hunger for it. when you realize that you are here for something greater you cant just ignore it, you cant be lazy, you cant be scared. I know nothing, and here I am gong through. this is the beginning of my journey. the beginning of finally after 40 years of life releasing all my sadness and pain and anger. my cup runneth over when it comes to love and healing energy, but now its time for me, its time to do some deep cleaning. no matter what tho, my pain and anger and sadness does NOT run my life. these r hidden deep down things I am starting to get rid of. they have never affected or gotten in the way of my work. these negative feelings have been stuffed down so deep ive purposefully forgotten about them. my work is unconditional and unadulterated. I pray before and during any of my healing sessions and my desire to heal you comes before me and my feelings. to heal you is to heal the world and I am so blessed and honored the Universe brings people to me. this deep healing of myself is a side thing. a long overdue thing. and will only affect my work in a way that allows me to be more free and stronger in my abilities. Amen.