Sex Ed

I don't know what my mother was thinking. back then sex ed class was in 6th grade and I was the only one that had to go to the library. being forced to do this led me to discovering that I loved to read books about dragons and fantasy but I was alone, as usual. ive always had friends in school but that's where they were, school, not home, not anywhere else. I remember this girl had gotten her period and everyone said she was a slut. I still remember her beautiful face, lips, and big hair. I remember I was a tyrant. I got in fights with other kids, even in elementary school. a boy lifted up my dress, so I punched him in the face, a lot. a girl made fun of my shiny forehead, so I punched her too. but this life of fighting was nothing new in 6th grade. ive been fighting since I was born. this to be told another time as my eyes are already tearing up here at exactly 444 a.m. I wanted to talk about my mother not letting me go to sex ed. something in the Just For Today book opened this up in my head and before I even opened my laptop I had to take a deep breath in. I had already been exposed to sexual things before 6th grade. but I never had any parental guidance. I am a bastard, for one. met my father only once, in 7th grade actually. another story. my mother worked at an elementary school for the mentally and physically challenged class. she was mean even to them. if a kid wasn't acting right she would would their pinky finger back and make them cry. I was in her class a lot and witnessed her doings there because she didn't want to leave me at home alone to do whatever I wanted whenever I was suspended from class. so I had to be with her at work. I remember it was a hot sunny day and this kid all paralyzed in a giant wheelchair was waiting in the sun for the bus, his face had no shelter and some little Mexican mothers came and talked shit to my mom telling her to get him out of the sun. she stood militant and with a smirk and look on her face as if she wanted to kill them. she did not move him. she did not teach me, anything. I was all alone. her time off work was searching for men, ive grown up waking up to her in many a men's bed. and some of these men liked me to, ya know, lustfully. another story or three. she had an encyclopedia set, I never ever saw her read or open them. it was a set from tv. nonetheless, this is where I saw what an actual vagina looked like inside. I just happened to open one day. I don't remember reading anything about it, just staring at all the pictures. still wasn't sex ed. but before this, as long as I can remember, I was already masturbating. a man did this to me. a grown man made me feel this and want this every day. it was my comfort. it was my pleasure. I had lots of stuffed animals and would play house with them. I would be under my sisters crib or my own bunk bed in the dark on the ground hiding because whenever my mother would find me she would hit me a bunch. now in 7th grade and my sister is about 5 years younger than me. I wasn't afraid to do it in front of my siblings. I taught her how to hump the arm rest of the sofa. now she did it all the time. yes as anyone would guess sex has been a very big part of my life, since I was born. a lot of my stories do have to do with sex. I am not afraid to tell you. I am not afraid for you to see my world. I am happy now, but these things r deep inside. I don't have sex now. I don't masturbate now. I don't have the desire for either. my goals and desires are big than myself. and they are for the glory of God, the Universe. that's why things are going as planned. I will do what I am set out to do. no man or woman will get in the way. so please don't try