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I went to 2 NA meetings today... at the second one I shared something that I would like to share with you now...I have been running away since I was 11 years old...I used to dream all the time and longed to be kidnapped...I wanted some stranger to rescue me and take me away from the situation I was in... but noone ever came to save me...we lived in a 2 bedroom apartment on the second floor filled with small roaches and other torments...the person who was supposed to be my mother slept in the bigger master room, while the 3 of us had the much smaller room with bunkbeds and a crib...I feel like I cried most days there...I feel like I was beaten most days there...she is still sick to this day...I still hate her and wish harm on her to this day... but the good thing is that I hardly ever think of her so I don't have to have that negative shit in me much...at the meeting I shared that since 11 years of age when I got my period in 7th grade I would jump out of my second story bedroom win
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wtf

wtf I don't know why people hate on the Bible...apparently there are a lot of people I am learning that grew up with religion the wrong and negative way...but you and I are adults now. I have major spirituality...I love praying every day and all day, its what keeps me calm and focused...prayer is a form of meditation...but I came here today because I opened my Bible to Psalm 37...I haven't read the whole chapter because the first verse blew me away...ive been thinking negatively lately...why do these people get to do what they want while other people struggle...don't hate on the Bible...open the freakin book and LISTEN TO IT...just read the message it has for you today...I'm not trying to tell you to be Christian, I don't believe in any one religion...but you cannot deny this book written by many wise men and women (even tho many of the women are excluded from such credits)...if there are any spiritual books you would like to recommend I would appreciate you buying
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428am

the only time I have to write is if I wake up at 4am, and if I don't have to be at work by 9am...I love this. I am not in school yet, but I am trying. city college does not have online classes in the field I want to take, so I need to do online courses, which I have to pay for and which is really frustrating me trying to make the best decisions along with figuring out my finances. but I still  wake up at 4am anyways, even if I have not officially started school I still wake up and train my body to do what I have to do: study, and yoga. I make my bed as soon as I wake up. I make herbal tea, no coffee, no caffeine, and I stay awake. I read from four different books, including one of my favorite versions of the Bible: a Life Recovery Bible, in a New Living Translation. the Bible is not a scripted reading for me, I simply open the book to whatever page opens, and read from there. today I opened to a page entitled Reflections on Judges. I haven't read the whole page yet but I immedi
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Sex Ed

I don't know what my mother was thinking. back then sex ed class was in 6th grade and I was the only one that had to go to the library. being forced to do this led me to discovering that I loved to read books about dragons and fantasy but I was alone, as usual. ive always had friends in school but that's where they were, school, not home, not anywhere else. I remember this girl had gotten her period and everyone said she was a slut. I still remember her beautiful face, lips, and big hair. I remember I was a tyrant. I got in fights with other kids, even in elementary school. a boy lifted up my dress, so I punched him in the face, a lot. a girl made fun of my shiny forehead, so I punched her too. but this life of fighting was nothing new in 6th grade. ive been fighting since I was born. this to be told another time as my eyes are already tearing up here at exactly 444 a.m. I wanted to talk about my mother not letting me go to sex ed. something in the Just For Today book opened th
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